She's Off

We ended up leaving town last night after a quick dinner. As the snow came down and started blanketing the roads we figured we'd better pack up and head south to make sure we could get Hannah to the airport on time. After all, the weathermen were saying the temperatures were only going to drop. So at 9:00 we headed south to stay in a hotel. Funny, the weathermen were right about the snow, wrong about the dropping temperatures. The streets here at home were clear by morning. Go figure. It was kinda fun to have that last adventure before she left. Being a large family it's not often that we have had the luxury of staying in hotels. Seeing as we have to book 2 rooms just to hold us. It was fun calling my mom on the cell phone, getting her to log onto Hotwire to find us a good hotel for cheap rates,then showing up, unloading, and gathering in a room together. We got to read one more chapter of "The Shack" as a family before Hannah left town. It was nice to just relax and enjoy the last few hours with her.

At 3:30 she went through security and we headed home. As the tears poured out of my eyes, I couldn't be more thankful. What a beautiful testimony of God to see the road that God had taken her on. I remember her senior year (2005) when she talked of going on a DTS. It was to be Australia. At that point in her life she was pretty distracted by a relationship she was in. Though David and I encouraged her to follow this call on her heart, she lost sight of it. We left it with God. Two years later, God brought her back around to it.

When she first started considering it again she wasn't sure how she would get there. She couldn't fathom being able to raise that much money. Living in Atlanta on an income that barely covered her bills, she knew she couldn't make it happen. So we began to pray. And God raised up people who wanted to send her..... It was amazing to watch as it all unfolded. It gave me a new picture of God's pursuit of our hearts and how He relentlessly goes after us until we hear His whispers, and then He takes us into those places that He had set aside for us to go. Not only does He take us in, but He raises up all that will be needed to cover us.

David and I couldn't be happier for Hannah. We KNOW in our hearts that this is where He has wanted her to go. We encouraged her in 2005 to go. God had to get her there. She had to fall down and let Him pick her back up. Even though you KNOW it is right and good, the emotions are still there.

As I write this the tears are pouring down my face. They are tears of rejoicing mixed with tears of letting go. For those of you who have not had children leave it will be hard to fully understand. One day you will know. For those who have let a child go far away enough to not be able to see them quickly, well, you know. Your head knows, your heart knows this is right and good, the way it was always meant to be... but your emotions, well they're another story.

I feel the loss of one that has been so close moving on so far away. The time has come for my "little chick" to fly. Though she has moved out twice and moved back twice, this is different. I can't just pick up the phone and call her. She won't be an hour's drive away. I won't see her (except through my webcam...Thank God for technology) for 5 months. In that 5 month period her heart will be changed, her life will be changed. She will find her life in ways that I have longed for her to find it. And I won't be there to watch..... You mothers understand, I know you do.

The tears have been flowing all afternoon. Thank God I was able to hold the "ugly cry" until after I got in the car. She saw the tears rolling down my face as I hugged her goodbye and told her how proud I was of her for following, God and for following her heart.

She's in the air as I write this....the tears are still flowing. Bitter/sweet tears as I learn to let go once again, trusting her into the hands of the One who loves her perfectly.

You love them, you nurture them, you teach them and then you let them go. It is as it should be. I'm glad the tears are flowing...it let's me know I'm alive! : )

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5

Blessings,
Julie