Dear Friends,
I had to move my blog. It's a long story, but let's just say it was easier to move the blog than to start over...
If you are linked to my blog, please change the http: OR you can always click on the link below to find me.
Jewelz Sightings
I will keep this blog up and running for a while just to make sure you can find me. I will still get any messages you send me through responses.
Thanks all,
Jewelz
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Free Rosetta Stone Curriculum contest
There is an awesome opportunity to win the new ROSETTA STONE foreign language curriculum. I have wanted this curriculum for a long time. I would LOVE to win! Read below to enter.
Rosetta Stone has been the #1 foreign language curriculum among homeschoolers for a while -- next week they are unleashing a brand new curriculum, and you can WIN the *all new* Rosetta Stone Homeschool Version 3… FOR FREE!
This is a $219 program (and believe me it's worth every penny!) and the winner gets to pick from any of these 14 languages: Spanish (Spain or Latin America), English (American or British), Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Irish, Hebrew, or Russian.
This will also include a headset with microphone, and students will participate in lifelike conversations and actually produce language to advance through the program. Rosetta Stone still incorporates listening, reading and writing as well, in addition to speaking. Many homeschoolers requested grammar and vocabulary exercises, and with Rosetta Stone Homeschool Version 3, they're included! For parents, the new Parent Administrative Tools are integrated into the program and allow parents to easily enroll students in any of 12 predetermined lesson plans, monitor student progress, and view and print reports.
To win this most excellent program -- in the language of your choice -- copy these (bold) paragraphs and post it in (or as) your next blog post -- then to enter the contest, go to the original contest page HERE: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/JenIG/501132/ and leave a comment with the link showing where you blogged about it. And please make sure the link works to get back to the original contest page when you post it. And good luck! The winner will be picked randomly on March 26, and will be notified thru the link they left to their blog pg. And if you have more than one blog, you can post them and enter those separately for more chances to win. f
Rosetta Stone has been the #1 foreign language curriculum among homeschoolers for a while -- next week they are unleashing a brand new curriculum, and you can WIN the *all new* Rosetta Stone Homeschool Version 3… FOR FREE!
This is a $219 program (and believe me it's worth every penny!) and the winner gets to pick from any of these 14 languages: Spanish (Spain or Latin America), English (American or British), Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Irish, Hebrew, or Russian.
This will also include a headset with microphone, and students will participate in lifelike conversations and actually produce language to advance through the program. Rosetta Stone still incorporates listening, reading and writing as well, in addition to speaking. Many homeschoolers requested grammar and vocabulary exercises, and with Rosetta Stone Homeschool Version 3, they're included! For parents, the new Parent Administrative Tools are integrated into the program and allow parents to easily enroll students in any of 12 predetermined lesson plans, monitor student progress, and view and print reports.
To win this most excellent program -- in the language of your choice -- copy these (bold) paragraphs and post it in (or as) your next blog post -- then to enter the contest, go to the original contest page HERE: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/JenIG/501132/ and leave a comment with the link showing where you blogged about it. And please make sure the link works to get back to the original contest page when you post it. And good luck! The winner will be picked randomly on March 26, and will be notified thru the link they left to their blog pg. And if you have more than one blog, you can post them and enter those separately for more chances to win. f
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Lessons from the wasps
As we sat in the great room of the beautiful mountain cabin we noticed a wasp gliding on the window trying to find warmth. The change of weather has really thrown things out of kilter here in the South. One day you are having 70 degree weather and the next a storm front hits, bringing the temperatures back down to normal for this time of year. It's throwing everything into a tizzy, including the wasps. The warmth was just enough to stir them out of their nests, the cold that followed numbed them sending them into confusion, and immobilization. One after another found it's way into the cabin, landing on the furniture doors and windows, moving slowly about. Drawn to the windows and doors you knew they could see where they were supposed to be, yet couldn't find the release from their captivity. Being highly allergic to wasps, the only solution my husband had was to kill them. Since the cold had numbed them they didn't fly too quickly. It was easy to take them out with one swat of a shoe.
I couldn't help but see the lessons to be gained from the wasp. It applies so much to our lives today in this busy world that we live in. We are awakened to the warmth of life, inviting us to live in relationship with God, with others. But once we are out of the nests the "cold", the world's distractions, hit us numbing us and sending us into confusion and immobilization. Do you find yourself at the end of the weekend or even the end of the day feeling empty, sometimes? Maybe it's just me. But here in this household we easily find the things of the world that numb you from moving into what really brings life.
Isn't it easier to turn on a movie and sit in a room together instead of engage in meaningful conversation. When you've had a long week, don't you just want to curl up in your pj's on the couch and go numb all weekend? Sometimes we need those times of disengaging, but how much is too much? Deep down inside, does something seem to be missing? It's so easy for me to find myself escaping in the computer world. It's easier to find relationships online than it is to find them in my own neighborhood. Some of that is reality. But how much of it is choice? How many Friday nights am I inviting someone into my home to play games, or have a cup of coffee?
Why is it that life seems to zap us like the cold does the wasps? Why does life seem to leave less than what we desire? If God said He came to give us life to the full, then why does it often feel so empty? Why do our "worlds" seem to manage us instead of us "managing" our worlds? How well am I ruling and reigning over my domain? It is what God told Adam and Eve to do before sin entered the world. Once sin entered, it seems everything went into a crazy, chaotic battle. Doesn't life feel that way sometimes? Do you just feel like you have to battle to move one step forward into relationship and life? Do you find yourself numb?
The wasps were looking for warmth. That's why they came inside. But it wasn't where they belonged. It wasn't where they were designed to be. So what about us? Are we living like we were destined to live? We were made in the image of relationship for relationship, not just with God but with each other. What's happened to us? These are the questions I am asking myself, these days.
In this "technology" world, doesn't it seem that people are in their homes alone more than living in relationship with others? Being a child of the 50's before all the technology was filling homes we spent time together with other families enjoying relationship. Hours of playing with friends while our parents played cards fill my memory. I can remember "solitare wars" in my house growing up. After all we only had 3 channels on the TV and it went off at midnight, no VCR's, no DVD's, no DVR's or Tivo, no computers, ipods, nintendo's or X-box. We had no TV's in the cars. We actually had to make up games as we rode along on the long drive for vacation. The stores were all closed on Sunday. Children were outside playing until the sun went down. We spent hours using our imaginations.
The women of 100 + years ago found themselves in quilting bees, barn raisings and community living. What's happened to us in our day?
Now a days it is hard for my children to even find other children to play with until the sun goes down. The technology of X-box and Nintendo vie for their attention, not to mention computer games, myspace, Facebook. There are so many avenues to keep them enclosed in the confines of our house. Even when the kids get together with other kids all they want to do is play computer games challenging each other. What's happened to us living in relationships with others? What happened to using imaginations?
We are created in the image of relationship, yet many of us live without that deep relationship with others that we long for. We have to do something with our time. It's easy to numb out. The more numb we become, the harder it is to escape it, like the wasps. The more we are numbed the more numbing we need. The wasps needed the lure of the light and warmth coming from the window. It was the closest thing they could get to being where they were supposed to be. But it wasn't what they were created for.
As I watched the wasps this weekend I realized. I don't want to live like that any longer. I want to live and experience all that my Papa has invited me to experience. I don't want to be distracted by the things of this world, the thorns and thistles of life that come to choke out the good seed. I want to rule my domain instead of it ruling me. I want relationships with my husband and kids to be rich. I want to live in relationship with others in my community. I want to live, not in the cold numbness but in the warmth of life.
How about you? How numb are you? What is the cry of your heart?
Jesus said, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I came that they might have life, and have it to the full."
May we all find that life.
Blessings,
Julie
I couldn't help but see the lessons to be gained from the wasp. It applies so much to our lives today in this busy world that we live in. We are awakened to the warmth of life, inviting us to live in relationship with God, with others. But once we are out of the nests the "cold", the world's distractions, hit us numbing us and sending us into confusion and immobilization. Do you find yourself at the end of the weekend or even the end of the day feeling empty, sometimes? Maybe it's just me. But here in this household we easily find the things of the world that numb you from moving into what really brings life.
Isn't it easier to turn on a movie and sit in a room together instead of engage in meaningful conversation. When you've had a long week, don't you just want to curl up in your pj's on the couch and go numb all weekend? Sometimes we need those times of disengaging, but how much is too much? Deep down inside, does something seem to be missing? It's so easy for me to find myself escaping in the computer world. It's easier to find relationships online than it is to find them in my own neighborhood. Some of that is reality. But how much of it is choice? How many Friday nights am I inviting someone into my home to play games, or have a cup of coffee?
Why is it that life seems to zap us like the cold does the wasps? Why does life seem to leave less than what we desire? If God said He came to give us life to the full, then why does it often feel so empty? Why do our "worlds" seem to manage us instead of us "managing" our worlds? How well am I ruling and reigning over my domain? It is what God told Adam and Eve to do before sin entered the world. Once sin entered, it seems everything went into a crazy, chaotic battle. Doesn't life feel that way sometimes? Do you just feel like you have to battle to move one step forward into relationship and life? Do you find yourself numb?
The wasps were looking for warmth. That's why they came inside. But it wasn't where they belonged. It wasn't where they were designed to be. So what about us? Are we living like we were destined to live? We were made in the image of relationship for relationship, not just with God but with each other. What's happened to us? These are the questions I am asking myself, these days.
In this "technology" world, doesn't it seem that people are in their homes alone more than living in relationship with others? Being a child of the 50's before all the technology was filling homes we spent time together with other families enjoying relationship. Hours of playing with friends while our parents played cards fill my memory. I can remember "solitare wars" in my house growing up. After all we only had 3 channels on the TV and it went off at midnight, no VCR's, no DVD's, no DVR's or Tivo, no computers, ipods, nintendo's or X-box. We had no TV's in the cars. We actually had to make up games as we rode along on the long drive for vacation. The stores were all closed on Sunday. Children were outside playing until the sun went down. We spent hours using our imaginations.
The women of 100 + years ago found themselves in quilting bees, barn raisings and community living. What's happened to us in our day?
Now a days it is hard for my children to even find other children to play with until the sun goes down. The technology of X-box and Nintendo vie for their attention, not to mention computer games, myspace, Facebook. There are so many avenues to keep them enclosed in the confines of our house. Even when the kids get together with other kids all they want to do is play computer games challenging each other. What's happened to us living in relationships with others? What happened to using imaginations?
We are created in the image of relationship, yet many of us live without that deep relationship with others that we long for. We have to do something with our time. It's easy to numb out. The more numb we become, the harder it is to escape it, like the wasps. The more we are numbed the more numbing we need. The wasps needed the lure of the light and warmth coming from the window. It was the closest thing they could get to being where they were supposed to be. But it wasn't what they were created for.
As I watched the wasps this weekend I realized. I don't want to live like that any longer. I want to live and experience all that my Papa has invited me to experience. I don't want to be distracted by the things of this world, the thorns and thistles of life that come to choke out the good seed. I want to rule my domain instead of it ruling me. I want relationships with my husband and kids to be rich. I want to live in relationship with others in my community. I want to live, not in the cold numbness but in the warmth of life.
How about you? How numb are you? What is the cry of your heart?
Jesus said, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I came that they might have life, and have it to the full."
May we all find that life.
Blessings,
Julie
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The two shall become one flesh....
Twenty-five years ago today my father walked me down the aisle and gave me to my husband. You know I was so caught up in the moment that I really didn't notice those things around me. Were there candles? Who was there? All I could see was the gaze of my groom. Was he pleased with what he saw? Did I take his breath away? I was captured in the moment.
As we stood there we made promises to each other. Did we really know what we were promising? You say you will love and honor, but you have no true idea what that looks like. It's what your heart desires to do, but what do you really know about honoring your husband or wife? Caught up in the moment of romance you make the promises. God hears.
Our lives began together 25 years ago today. It has been a ride. Sometimes it felt like the ride had derailed and would not recover. There were times when it has felt like our marriage would crumble. Had we been holding it together it would have.
God heard our promises to each other and began to make them come true.
I had no real clue how to honor my husband. I came to the marriage broken. We all do. It's the result of sin. But God loves fixing broken people. He has been teaching us how to fulfill the promises we made to each other that day. It has not been without bumps and bruises and sometimes bloody wars. But the ashes have turned to beauty. God is making all things new.
Today, as I think back on that day, I realize how much that day represents life with my Jesus. Just as I gave myself to my earthly husband, desiring to be the woman that was meant for Him, I gave myself to my Jesus. Did I take His breath away? I made promises to Him, things I had no real clue of, yet it was what my heart desired. Papa heard the promises and began to take me to fulfillment. As in my relationship with my David, there has been healing and restoration, awakening me to the woman I was always meant to be for him. As Papa has healed and restored me to Him, who I really am is starting to emerge, the bride for His Jesus. I dressed for my groom 25 years ago today, wanting all things to be just perfect for Him. I wanted to capture his eye. So it is with my Jesus. I believe just as I was captured in my David's gaze, Jesus is captured with me too.
Marriage has been a learning curve for me. Jesus has been my teacher. As He has drawn me to Himself, He has changed me.
I had no idea what I was saying that day 25 years ago, really. My heart did the talking. God reads the heart and moves.
He has moved in our lives. We will never be the same. I will never be the same.
When our marriage could have derailed, God kept it strong. Without Him it would have crumbled. Had we tried to hold it together, it would be gone. We have seen Him.
Now 25 years down the road, I have some idea of honor, respect, love..... Beauty is emerging from the ashes......
Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
I pray as the beauty comes out of the ashes, our one flesh is an oak of righteousness that displays His splendor.
To God be the Glory!
Julie
Monday, March 10, 2008
Days of Grace
“No longer are there good days and bad days. There are only days of grace. Some days you are given the grace to enjoy what is going on around you and other days you are given the grace to endure.”* The words came out of the speaker’s mouth on the CD I was listening to. How long had I been walking with God, 25 years? I’d even grown up in the church. Never had I heard anyone say anything like that before. Could this be true? No longer good or bad days, only days of grace. Don’t these words give you a totally different picture on the days of your life, including those difficult home school moments?
As a home school parent in my 16th year. I have seen them all. Whether it was…
To read the rest of today’s article please visit me over at Heart of the Matter Online
Thank you so much Heart of the Matter for this blessing.
Julie
As a home school parent in my 16th year. I have seen them all. Whether it was…
To read the rest of today’s article please visit me over at Heart of the Matter Online
Thank you so much Heart of the Matter for this blessing.
Julie
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Whose eyes are you looking through?
If you could describe yourself in 5 words what would those words be? Who do you see yourself to be? When you consider what God thinks about you, what do you think He would say? Do you think He sees you based on what you do or who you are?
How do you see yourself before Him? Do you think He looks at what you have done or not done?
What labels do you place on yourself? What have the messages of your life's path told you of who you are? Do you see yourself through what has happened to you, or what you have done? Once Mary Magdelene was invited into Christ's life did she continue to tell herself that she was a prostitute or did she finally see herself through the eyes of Christ? I think when Jesus said to her, "Go and sin no more" He was saying, "that's not who you are, don't go back to that place."
Your past does not define you. It is removed completely. God no longer remembers it. He no longer sees you in your sin. He sees you restored unto Him. He sees Jesus. After all He has told us that we are a new creation, the old is gone the new has come. It's as if you were reborn into who you were always meant to be. Do you see that?
I love the story of Gideon. It's a perfect picture of how we respond to God. Gideon is hiding in the winepress. The Israelites are being attacked and he is hiding out hoping no one will find him. An angel appears to him and says. "Gideon, O Valiant Warrior". He then proceeds to tell Gideon that he will be used to deliver the Israelites. He is God's Valiant Warrior. I hear in Gideon's response that he thinks the angel must be talking about someone else.
Gideon's response is much like our own when God calls us out, "but I am the least in my family and my clan is the weakest clan". He is basically saying, "I'm not who you think I am." Gideon sees himself in his weakness, his flesh, his past, his heritage. The angel sees him in his true identity, who he was created to be.
How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself in your weakness or in the strength of who you were created to be?
God does not see us the way we see ourselves. He sees us cloaked with Christ, completed in Him. When God looks at us He sees us in our restored state, who we were always meant to be.
We are the ones who have the vision problem.
What you do or have done does not define who you are. Your identity is bestowed by God and God alone. It's not given based on what you do. Your identity comes from who God always meant you to be. He has known of you for a long time. No man or woman can take your identity or give it. It was ordained by God, Himself. You are who He says you are.
God saw Gideon as his Valiant Warrior when Gideon could not see it for Himself.
God sees you and has a name He calls you. It is the truest you.
He does not want you for what you can do for Him. He wants you for who you are. He formed you to love you, just as you are until you could embrace who He made you to be.
Your birth was His invitation to be loved completely.
Ask God what name He would give to you. Ask Him how He sees you. He longs to tell you what He thinks of you.
Embrace what He says as the truest you.
After all, He knows you by name!
I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. Rev. 2:17b
His Jewel
How do you see yourself before Him? Do you think He looks at what you have done or not done?
What labels do you place on yourself? What have the messages of your life's path told you of who you are? Do you see yourself through what has happened to you, or what you have done? Once Mary Magdelene was invited into Christ's life did she continue to tell herself that she was a prostitute or did she finally see herself through the eyes of Christ? I think when Jesus said to her, "Go and sin no more" He was saying, "that's not who you are, don't go back to that place."
Your past does not define you. It is removed completely. God no longer remembers it. He no longer sees you in your sin. He sees you restored unto Him. He sees Jesus. After all He has told us that we are a new creation, the old is gone the new has come. It's as if you were reborn into who you were always meant to be. Do you see that?
I love the story of Gideon. It's a perfect picture of how we respond to God. Gideon is hiding in the winepress. The Israelites are being attacked and he is hiding out hoping no one will find him. An angel appears to him and says. "Gideon, O Valiant Warrior". He then proceeds to tell Gideon that he will be used to deliver the Israelites. He is God's Valiant Warrior. I hear in Gideon's response that he thinks the angel must be talking about someone else.
Gideon's response is much like our own when God calls us out, "but I am the least in my family and my clan is the weakest clan". He is basically saying, "I'm not who you think I am." Gideon sees himself in his weakness, his flesh, his past, his heritage. The angel sees him in his true identity, who he was created to be.
How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself in your weakness or in the strength of who you were created to be?
God does not see us the way we see ourselves. He sees us cloaked with Christ, completed in Him. When God looks at us He sees us in our restored state, who we were always meant to be.
We are the ones who have the vision problem.
What you do or have done does not define who you are. Your identity is bestowed by God and God alone. It's not given based on what you do. Your identity comes from who God always meant you to be. He has known of you for a long time. No man or woman can take your identity or give it. It was ordained by God, Himself. You are who He says you are.
God saw Gideon as his Valiant Warrior when Gideon could not see it for Himself.
God sees you and has a name He calls you. It is the truest you.
He does not want you for what you can do for Him. He wants you for who you are. He formed you to love you, just as you are until you could embrace who He made you to be.
Your birth was His invitation to be loved completely.
Ask God what name He would give to you. Ask Him how He sees you. He longs to tell you what He thinks of you.
Embrace what He says as the truest you.
After all, He knows you by name!
I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. Rev. 2:17b
His Jewel
Monday, February 18, 2008
The character in the man
I was thinking back over the last few years and some of the things that had gone on in our lives. My husband had had 6 different jobs in 4 years, all paying thousands less than our living expenses. When you are in the midst of those times it is hard to see what good could be coming from it. You find yourself wondering if Papa/God has gone on vacation. All sorts of things come to your mind. You begin to question and wonder what Papa could be doing.
I knew after several months that it wasn't about the jobs. But what was it about? Papa was revealing to David the truth about what kind of man he really was. It wasn't about the money or the job. It was about the man.
One job in particular that he had was with a water company. He thought it was going to be customer service and route sales,
with good pay. It ended up being delivery, carrying 80 pounds of water everyday, running at full speed to get finished. Though we had prayed fervently for a good route, he ended up with the third worst route in the company. Leaving at 6:00AM and getting home around 8:00PM was common. Exhausted he would walk in the door, hungry and weary, but never giving up. He is a man of perseverance.
When Papa removed him from that job he opened another job at a handyman company. It was the most bizarre thing. Though the owner knew he had very little experience but he begged him to come and work for the company, telling him they would train him. He began his training, doing a perfect job on one of his assignments. Two and 1/2 weeks later they let him go after changing owners. Papa was restoring a place inside David, allowing him to face the lies of failure and walk away from them. He had not failed. He had given all he had to give. It was his best. He is a man of integrity.
The next job Papa took him to was a season where he worked two jobs. One job was full-time in the daytime working in an upscale fast food restaurant, and the 2nd job was at night 2-3 nights a week at Starbucks. He worked long and hard to make sure we were taken care of. I tried to go to work to alleviate one of the jobs, but he was insistent that I stay home with the children. Faithfully he went to work each day, never complaining. He is a man of faithfulness.
During that season, one of the men from church came up to pray for him, during the response time after worship. Before he started to pray he looked him in the eye and said, "God wants you to know that you are an honorable man. You are an example to the men here. There are men who wouldn't do what you are doing for your family." David's eyes welled up with tears. He needed to hear that. The weariness that was over him dissipated in that moment. He was honoring his Papa. That's all that mattered, really. It does alot to a man to be seen for who they really are. He is a man of honor.
Papa dropped another job in his lap. This job was promising and brought an income that allowed him to quit his 2nd job. The owner of the company ended up not being a man of his word. Every week David would have to go and fight for his paycheck.
One week in particular he had to stand up an challenge the owner. In that season I saw the warrior in the man. He is a man of strength.
Papa moved him on to another job with a contracting company. The owner of the company put his 24 year old son as boss. I saw grace in David as he submitted himself to the authority of a cocky young man who talked down to him with disrespect. He is a man of humility.
The company they were contracting for offered to take him on in a fulltime position. He accepted. Now he is working for men who see his work and appreciate him. He walked the "season of the jobs" with faithfulness. He never gave up. He is a man of endurance.
I was thinking back over those years the other day, since we are now out of them. A sense of awe, honor and respect came over me I realized how much I had seen during those times. Something deeper had taken place in my heart besides the pruning Papa had done. I had seen my man through Papa's eyes. I, like my Papa, am proud of him.
How often through the years had I seen the nitpicky things that irritated me above the character of the man? Too many, I'm afraid. Too many times I had focused on what he wasn't doing instead of all that he was. Something changed for me in that
season of life. I began to see the character of my man.
So how about you? What do you seeing in your man?
Rom. 13:7(Amplified) Render to all men their dues. [Pay] taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, and honor to whom honor is due.
With all my love, and gratitude for the man that you are, David, I honor you.
Jewel
I knew after several months that it wasn't about the jobs. But what was it about? Papa was revealing to David the truth about what kind of man he really was. It wasn't about the money or the job. It was about the man.
One job in particular that he had was with a water company. He thought it was going to be customer service and route sales,
with good pay. It ended up being delivery, carrying 80 pounds of water everyday, running at full speed to get finished. Though we had prayed fervently for a good route, he ended up with the third worst route in the company. Leaving at 6:00AM and getting home around 8:00PM was common. Exhausted he would walk in the door, hungry and weary, but never giving up. He is a man of perseverance.
When Papa removed him from that job he opened another job at a handyman company. It was the most bizarre thing. Though the owner knew he had very little experience but he begged him to come and work for the company, telling him they would train him. He began his training, doing a perfect job on one of his assignments. Two and 1/2 weeks later they let him go after changing owners. Papa was restoring a place inside David, allowing him to face the lies of failure and walk away from them. He had not failed. He had given all he had to give. It was his best. He is a man of integrity.
The next job Papa took him to was a season where he worked two jobs. One job was full-time in the daytime working in an upscale fast food restaurant, and the 2nd job was at night 2-3 nights a week at Starbucks. He worked long and hard to make sure we were taken care of. I tried to go to work to alleviate one of the jobs, but he was insistent that I stay home with the children. Faithfully he went to work each day, never complaining. He is a man of faithfulness.
During that season, one of the men from church came up to pray for him, during the response time after worship. Before he started to pray he looked him in the eye and said, "God wants you to know that you are an honorable man. You are an example to the men here. There are men who wouldn't do what you are doing for your family." David's eyes welled up with tears. He needed to hear that. The weariness that was over him dissipated in that moment. He was honoring his Papa. That's all that mattered, really. It does alot to a man to be seen for who they really are. He is a man of honor.
Papa dropped another job in his lap. This job was promising and brought an income that allowed him to quit his 2nd job. The owner of the company ended up not being a man of his word. Every week David would have to go and fight for his paycheck.
One week in particular he had to stand up an challenge the owner. In that season I saw the warrior in the man. He is a man of strength.
Papa moved him on to another job with a contracting company. The owner of the company put his 24 year old son as boss. I saw grace in David as he submitted himself to the authority of a cocky young man who talked down to him with disrespect. He is a man of humility.
The company they were contracting for offered to take him on in a fulltime position. He accepted. Now he is working for men who see his work and appreciate him. He walked the "season of the jobs" with faithfulness. He never gave up. He is a man of endurance.
I was thinking back over those years the other day, since we are now out of them. A sense of awe, honor and respect came over me I realized how much I had seen during those times. Something deeper had taken place in my heart besides the pruning Papa had done. I had seen my man through Papa's eyes. I, like my Papa, am proud of him.
How often through the years had I seen the nitpicky things that irritated me above the character of the man? Too many, I'm afraid. Too many times I had focused on what he wasn't doing instead of all that he was. Something changed for me in that
season of life. I began to see the character of my man.
So how about you? What do you seeing in your man?
Rom. 13:7(Amplified) Render to all men their dues. [Pay] taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, and honor to whom honor is due.
With all my love, and gratitude for the man that you are, David, I honor you.
Jewel
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Coming into His Room
I am doing a new Bible study with the women at church on Friday mornings. It is "Live a Praying Life" by Jennifer Kennedy Dean. This study is rocking my world.
I have known of God my whole life, but have been truly following Him for 28 years. I grew up in the Bible belt where I was told that to follow God I needed to have a prayer list and a morning prayer time to show my love for God and my desire to be a good soldier of the Lord. I can remember the long lists that I would take out each day and pray through. Before long I lost interest in it as it was so monotonous for me. It was not a "God birthed" burden of prayer, but a "duty birthed". I think of those in other faiths who go through their rituals of prayer in order to fulfill a requirement of their faith. That is how my prayer list was to me. It was a ritual to fulfill a "man imposed" requirement.
I lived many years as a Pharisee bound to the law, performance and striving for God. Slowly but surely He is restoring me to a relationship with Him that is out of response instead of obligation. One of those areas has been prayer. After years of the ritual of my "prayer list" I was burned out in prayer, so much so that I would even say if you asked me that my prayer life stunk.
God began speaking to me about prayer at different intervals during this purging of the law He had me in. I remember once just sitting in my bathtub crying. The sobs were coming from some deep place inside me. Life had been hard and I was so weary. I was struggling to hang onto my faith and believe in His goodness. Everything was falling apart around me.
I couldn't hear His voice, I couldn't find His embrace. I knew in my mind that He would never leave me or forsake me, but I couldn't "feel" Him. As I sat in the tub, overwhelmed by emotion I could not speak a word. I couldn't even "cry out" to Him for help. There were no "prayers". All I could do was sob and groan. And He came, like I had never known, He came.
Jennifer Kennedy Dean says from Psalm 139, "When a need or desire is so deep in me that I do not even have a sentence to say and all I have is a groan, God knows it all. When we don't have anything but a groan, God has seen it all articulated."
I will never forget that night and how He came for me. Without uttering a word He rescued me. It was a new place of freedom for me. I didn't have to say all the right words to be delivered. God saw my groans and sobs articulated and He came and brought me out into His embrace. I was changed forever.
Prayer is a word that has been distorted in the mind of many Christians. We have come to make it look and be a certain way. What I am beginning to understand is that prayer can be all sorts of things, from worship, to listening, to groans, to words. My groans and sobs are the prayers of my heart. It is astounding.
One time when I was asking God about all this He talked to me about my Lydia. She's an affectionate one who always has loved being nearby, freely giving hugs. She would flow in and out of my room throughout the day. She loved to sit on my lap in the rocking chair, her head upon my chest, listening as I talked on the phone. Being a hugger, she would often walk in my room just to give me a hug, then walk out. There were times she would come in wanting to talk about herself or others. And sometimes she would need to know how much I loved her. In and out of my room she would flow, doing whatever was on her heart to do.
Jennifer Kennedy Dean says "There is an underflow of prayer in every believer. When Jesus came to take residence in you, He's began to pray in and through you. He's always praying in you. There is an undercurrent of prayer active in you. Not because of how good you are but because of how good He is. He's the one motivating it. He's the one initiating it. As you come to know this you will get tapped into Jesus praying in you."
Jesus is always praying in and through me. It's not about me figuring out all the right words to say. it's about letting Him flow out of me, whether through groans, worship, sobs, hugs or words. Just like my little girl, prayer is not about saying all the right words or setting aside a specific time each day that is required. It's about tapping into what He is doing inside me. That which He wants to do through me, He will put on me. He's the initiator and the motivator, burdening me for the things that He is burdened for. Whether getting up into His lap and listening while He talks, or telling Him what is on my heart, prayer is responding to the undercurrent of prayer that is already active in me, because He inhabits me. Now that is freedom.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Blessings,
Jewelz
I have known of God my whole life, but have been truly following Him for 28 years. I grew up in the Bible belt where I was told that to follow God I needed to have a prayer list and a morning prayer time to show my love for God and my desire to be a good soldier of the Lord. I can remember the long lists that I would take out each day and pray through. Before long I lost interest in it as it was so monotonous for me. It was not a "God birthed" burden of prayer, but a "duty birthed". I think of those in other faiths who go through their rituals of prayer in order to fulfill a requirement of their faith. That is how my prayer list was to me. It was a ritual to fulfill a "man imposed" requirement.
I lived many years as a Pharisee bound to the law, performance and striving for God. Slowly but surely He is restoring me to a relationship with Him that is out of response instead of obligation. One of those areas has been prayer. After years of the ritual of my "prayer list" I was burned out in prayer, so much so that I would even say if you asked me that my prayer life stunk.
God began speaking to me about prayer at different intervals during this purging of the law He had me in. I remember once just sitting in my bathtub crying. The sobs were coming from some deep place inside me. Life had been hard and I was so weary. I was struggling to hang onto my faith and believe in His goodness. Everything was falling apart around me.
I couldn't hear His voice, I couldn't find His embrace. I knew in my mind that He would never leave me or forsake me, but I couldn't "feel" Him. As I sat in the tub, overwhelmed by emotion I could not speak a word. I couldn't even "cry out" to Him for help. There were no "prayers". All I could do was sob and groan. And He came, like I had never known, He came.
Jennifer Kennedy Dean says from Psalm 139, "When a need or desire is so deep in me that I do not even have a sentence to say and all I have is a groan, God knows it all. When we don't have anything but a groan, God has seen it all articulated."
I will never forget that night and how He came for me. Without uttering a word He rescued me. It was a new place of freedom for me. I didn't have to say all the right words to be delivered. God saw my groans and sobs articulated and He came and brought me out into His embrace. I was changed forever.
Prayer is a word that has been distorted in the mind of many Christians. We have come to make it look and be a certain way. What I am beginning to understand is that prayer can be all sorts of things, from worship, to listening, to groans, to words. My groans and sobs are the prayers of my heart. It is astounding.
One time when I was asking God about all this He talked to me about my Lydia. She's an affectionate one who always has loved being nearby, freely giving hugs. She would flow in and out of my room throughout the day. She loved to sit on my lap in the rocking chair, her head upon my chest, listening as I talked on the phone. Being a hugger, she would often walk in my room just to give me a hug, then walk out. There were times she would come in wanting to talk about herself or others. And sometimes she would need to know how much I loved her. In and out of my room she would flow, doing whatever was on her heart to do.
Jennifer Kennedy Dean says "There is an underflow of prayer in every believer. When Jesus came to take residence in you, He's began to pray in and through you. He's always praying in you. There is an undercurrent of prayer active in you. Not because of how good you are but because of how good He is. He's the one motivating it. He's the one initiating it. As you come to know this you will get tapped into Jesus praying in you."
Jesus is always praying in and through me. It's not about me figuring out all the right words to say. it's about letting Him flow out of me, whether through groans, worship, sobs, hugs or words. Just like my little girl, prayer is not about saying all the right words or setting aside a specific time each day that is required. It's about tapping into what He is doing inside me. That which He wants to do through me, He will put on me. He's the initiator and the motivator, burdening me for the things that He is burdened for. Whether getting up into His lap and listening while He talks, or telling Him what is on my heart, prayer is responding to the undercurrent of prayer that is already active in me, because He inhabits me. Now that is freedom.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Blessings,
Jewelz
Thursday, February 7, 2008
What is Joy to you?
How many times when sharing my heartache and struggles did I hear, "the joy of the Lord is your strength", or "joy is available to you, it's your's, it's already been given." My well meaning friends were trying to encourage me, but I would find myself deflated. Are those words supposed to make me feel better? If joy has been given then where is it? Is this supposed to be some type of treasure hunt to discover it? Am I just looking in the wrong places? I wanted to have joy. I prayed for it, but I couldn't find it. No matter how much I tried, it eluded me. What was joy anyways? Was it a feeling?
Life was beating down hard. It felt like one hurricane after another was hitting the shores of our lives, much like Florida experienced back in 2004. Did you know that 4 hurricanes hit the state of Florida in that year? One of them hit, went out to sea, then came back and hit again. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like a storm comes in, you get back up, recover a little, only to be hit again? I have.
I found myself in the middle of reading the scripture in John 16. Jesus is talking to the disciples, telling them of his impending death. He tells them that He is going to leave them, and where He goes they cannot go. Then He says to them, verse, 20, "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." That verse stopped me dead in my tracks. Wait a minute. You mean that they aren't going to have joy? What about "the joy of the Lord is your strength?" Isn't that true for them?
Jesus goes on to tell them that it will be like a woman giving birth. While giving birth she is in anguish, but once that baby is in her arms, she forgets the pain for the joy of having the child. The disciples have no idea what they are getting ready to face, really. But think about it for a minute. They have left everything to follow Christ. They have no jobs to return to. Life as they knew it is gone. They have followed the one who they thought would deliver them from the Roman rule. Things have built to a crescendo and now Jesus tells them He's leaving and they can't go with Him. What do you think they felt when they saw Him get arrested or worse, crucified. Can you just imagine how their worlds must have come tumbling in on them, like a hurricane wind toppling the roof of a house? How did they feel when Jesus was gone and life just didn't make sense? What were they to do now? There was no joy, only grief, anguish and pain. What had just happened? Where was God?
As I struggled my way through the circumstances of life, things surfaced in me. I battled doubts like I had never known before, feeling abandoned, forgotten, and even cursed by God, while those around me seemed to be flourishing. What was really true about God? Was God really there for me? Did He see me? Did He care? Why was He doing this to me? The doubts and unbelief were surfacing, tossing me about. What was I going to stand in? That's what the season was about. He wanted those things in my heart that were "shakable", leaving what was unshakable to remain. What was I going to believe?
Joy came on resurrection day for the disciples as they found Jesus. Joy was not a feeling. Joy was Jesus coming to them, victorious over sin, death and the grave, victorious over their circumstances.
Joy for me was Jesus in me causing me to rise up and declare what was true when overwhelmed with the weariness of hard circumstances; Jesus in me keeping me from sinking while walking in the quicksand of doubts and unbelief; Jesus in me putting one foot in front of the other against the gale forced winds of the hurricanes that hit my shore. In the midst of really hard circumstances I found Jesus overcoming in and through me. That was the joy that no man could take away.
To the very core of my being I believe that when we find God to be enough, in the midst of the "dark caves" of life that is joy. Circumstances still hitting us hard, we rise up in faith to stand on the truth that Jesus has come to overcome our world.
The world full of doubts and unbelief is shut down around us. In the weariness He comes and sweeps us up in His embrace. As with a child being placed in your arms after the anguish of childbirth, the pain but a fleeting memory, joy floods the soul. Just as Jesus came for the disciples at resurrection day He comes for us. Joy is Jesus in us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. We are alive because He is alive in us. Christ in us, the hope of glory, the joy that no man can take away.
Blessings,
Jewelz
Life was beating down hard. It felt like one hurricane after another was hitting the shores of our lives, much like Florida experienced back in 2004. Did you know that 4 hurricanes hit the state of Florida in that year? One of them hit, went out to sea, then came back and hit again. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like a storm comes in, you get back up, recover a little, only to be hit again? I have.
I found myself in the middle of reading the scripture in John 16. Jesus is talking to the disciples, telling them of his impending death. He tells them that He is going to leave them, and where He goes they cannot go. Then He says to them, verse, 20, "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." That verse stopped me dead in my tracks. Wait a minute. You mean that they aren't going to have joy? What about "the joy of the Lord is your strength?" Isn't that true for them?
Jesus goes on to tell them that it will be like a woman giving birth. While giving birth she is in anguish, but once that baby is in her arms, she forgets the pain for the joy of having the child. The disciples have no idea what they are getting ready to face, really. But think about it for a minute. They have left everything to follow Christ. They have no jobs to return to. Life as they knew it is gone. They have followed the one who they thought would deliver them from the Roman rule. Things have built to a crescendo and now Jesus tells them He's leaving and they can't go with Him. What do you think they felt when they saw Him get arrested or worse, crucified. Can you just imagine how their worlds must have come tumbling in on them, like a hurricane wind toppling the roof of a house? How did they feel when Jesus was gone and life just didn't make sense? What were they to do now? There was no joy, only grief, anguish and pain. What had just happened? Where was God?
As I struggled my way through the circumstances of life, things surfaced in me. I battled doubts like I had never known before, feeling abandoned, forgotten, and even cursed by God, while those around me seemed to be flourishing. What was really true about God? Was God really there for me? Did He see me? Did He care? Why was He doing this to me? The doubts and unbelief were surfacing, tossing me about. What was I going to stand in? That's what the season was about. He wanted those things in my heart that were "shakable", leaving what was unshakable to remain. What was I going to believe?
Joy came on resurrection day for the disciples as they found Jesus. Joy was not a feeling. Joy was Jesus coming to them, victorious over sin, death and the grave, victorious over their circumstances.
Joy for me was Jesus in me causing me to rise up and declare what was true when overwhelmed with the weariness of hard circumstances; Jesus in me keeping me from sinking while walking in the quicksand of doubts and unbelief; Jesus in me putting one foot in front of the other against the gale forced winds of the hurricanes that hit my shore. In the midst of really hard circumstances I found Jesus overcoming in and through me. That was the joy that no man could take away.
To the very core of my being I believe that when we find God to be enough, in the midst of the "dark caves" of life that is joy. Circumstances still hitting us hard, we rise up in faith to stand on the truth that Jesus has come to overcome our world.
The world full of doubts and unbelief is shut down around us. In the weariness He comes and sweeps us up in His embrace. As with a child being placed in your arms after the anguish of childbirth, the pain but a fleeting memory, joy floods the soul. Just as Jesus came for the disciples at resurrection day He comes for us. Joy is Jesus in us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. We are alive because He is alive in us. Christ in us, the hope of glory, the joy that no man can take away.
Blessings,
Jewelz
Monday, February 4, 2008
Joseph Shows me God
I wrote this in participation to Bev's Monday group, "Cover to Cover"
One of my favorite characters in the Bible is Joseph. The story of his life gives me hope and not only that, but a greater understanding into the ways of God.
Joseph was called at a very young age. He had a vision of what God was going to do with him. The problem was, his flesh was stronger than his spirit.
After all he was the favored son, who stayed back at the house in his special coat while his brothers were all sent out to work the fields. He was essentially
a spoiled rotten brat. Can you just imagine the rivalry that surfaced in his brothers when they returned home after a long, hard day of work? His father's favoritism
became his demise.
God knew exactly where Joseph was. He was never forgotten. Through slavery, prison, being in a foreign land alone, he was never forgotten.
The roads God leads us on don't often make sense. We see others around us thriving in life, while all the while we wonder where God has disappeared to.
I can only imagine what Joseph went through. Innocent and in prison, away from family, an alien in a distant country, he must have questioned, where is the God of
my fathers?
He tried to get out of his assignment early. When the cupbearer and baker found themselves imprisoned, God orchestrated a meeting with Joseph
to interpret their dreams. Don't you think Joseph thought finally the time of his release was imminent? But TWO YEARS passed before it came to pass.
Do you think He became hopeless, resigned to just spend the rest of his life in prison? Do you ever wonder if things will break through in your life? Have
you experienced so much hope deferred and heartsickness that you find yourself in resignation?
I can so relate to this story on so many levels. How many times has it appeared that FINALLY our circumstances were going to change, to find out they didn't?
Like the time when my husband finally got a job. I thought for sure that God had turned our bitter waters of joblessness to sweet waters. It wasn't what I thought.
Working 65 hours a week, on the 3rd worse route in the company, making thousands less than we needed to live on, I could feel the weightiness of life. It wasn't
deliverance like we expected, or was it? It was so hard to hang on and not give up at times. We didn't really understand it all. Where was God? Didn't He see us?
Didn't He care about us? Like Joseph, we longed to escape the prison of that job.
But God had His way in prison for Joseph, just as He had His way in our lives during the job of bitter waters. I think those last 2 years Joseph finally surrendered,
completely. At least that is what happened to us. It wasn't about the job for us, just like it wasn't about prison for Joseph. Those were just the outlets that God used
to refine us. It was about our hearts. God wanted our hearts surrendered, willing to be where He had us, trusting Him with our lives, our finances, our future.
There was much on the line for Joseph, whether he knew it or not. His heart had to be in a place of full surrender and emptiness of himself, his control, and his pride
in order to fulfill the destiny of God. He would be the 2nd most powerful man in Egpyt. He would be set in a position to save the nation of Israel from dying during the famine.
He had to be ready to handle the success. Prison was the "boot camp" preparing him for his mission.
One morning Joseph woke up and the prison gates opened for him. He was called out before the Pharoah. I love what it says about him. The Pharoah
said, "there is no one on whom the Spirit of God rests, like Joseph" (my paraphrase). The transformation was complete...Joseph was a new creation, living
in the Spirit, walking with God. In prison, Joseph found God.
We don't often understand the ways of God. Most of the time they just plain don't make sense. But in the midst of them God allows us to see those shakable
things in our lives that hold us back from living in the new creation He has called us to be. It's not about the circumstances, it's not about being punished,
It's not even the enemy. It is God after our hearts, preparing us to fulfill the destiny that has been set aside for us before the foundations of the world.
The circumstances, like Joseph's prison are God's sandpaper, smoothing off the rough places, restoring us to the way we were always meant to be.
I love the story of Joseph, probably because it makes my life feel somewhat normal. It gives me hope that God is about His business when things don't make
sense.
Be blessed,
Jewelz
One of my favorite characters in the Bible is Joseph. The story of his life gives me hope and not only that, but a greater understanding into the ways of God.
Joseph was called at a very young age. He had a vision of what God was going to do with him. The problem was, his flesh was stronger than his spirit.
After all he was the favored son, who stayed back at the house in his special coat while his brothers were all sent out to work the fields. He was essentially
a spoiled rotten brat. Can you just imagine the rivalry that surfaced in his brothers when they returned home after a long, hard day of work? His father's favoritism
became his demise.
God knew exactly where Joseph was. He was never forgotten. Through slavery, prison, being in a foreign land alone, he was never forgotten.
The roads God leads us on don't often make sense. We see others around us thriving in life, while all the while we wonder where God has disappeared to.
I can only imagine what Joseph went through. Innocent and in prison, away from family, an alien in a distant country, he must have questioned, where is the God of
my fathers?
He tried to get out of his assignment early. When the cupbearer and baker found themselves imprisoned, God orchestrated a meeting with Joseph
to interpret their dreams. Don't you think Joseph thought finally the time of his release was imminent? But TWO YEARS passed before it came to pass.
Do you think He became hopeless, resigned to just spend the rest of his life in prison? Do you ever wonder if things will break through in your life? Have
you experienced so much hope deferred and heartsickness that you find yourself in resignation?
I can so relate to this story on so many levels. How many times has it appeared that FINALLY our circumstances were going to change, to find out they didn't?
Like the time when my husband finally got a job. I thought for sure that God had turned our bitter waters of joblessness to sweet waters. It wasn't what I thought.
Working 65 hours a week, on the 3rd worse route in the company, making thousands less than we needed to live on, I could feel the weightiness of life. It wasn't
deliverance like we expected, or was it? It was so hard to hang on and not give up at times. We didn't really understand it all. Where was God? Didn't He see us?
Didn't He care about us? Like Joseph, we longed to escape the prison of that job.
But God had His way in prison for Joseph, just as He had His way in our lives during the job of bitter waters. I think those last 2 years Joseph finally surrendered,
completely. At least that is what happened to us. It wasn't about the job for us, just like it wasn't about prison for Joseph. Those were just the outlets that God used
to refine us. It was about our hearts. God wanted our hearts surrendered, willing to be where He had us, trusting Him with our lives, our finances, our future.
There was much on the line for Joseph, whether he knew it or not. His heart had to be in a place of full surrender and emptiness of himself, his control, and his pride
in order to fulfill the destiny of God. He would be the 2nd most powerful man in Egpyt. He would be set in a position to save the nation of Israel from dying during the famine.
He had to be ready to handle the success. Prison was the "boot camp" preparing him for his mission.
One morning Joseph woke up and the prison gates opened for him. He was called out before the Pharoah. I love what it says about him. The Pharoah
said, "there is no one on whom the Spirit of God rests, like Joseph" (my paraphrase). The transformation was complete...Joseph was a new creation, living
in the Spirit, walking with God. In prison, Joseph found God.
We don't often understand the ways of God. Most of the time they just plain don't make sense. But in the midst of them God allows us to see those shakable
things in our lives that hold us back from living in the new creation He has called us to be. It's not about the circumstances, it's not about being punished,
It's not even the enemy. It is God after our hearts, preparing us to fulfill the destiny that has been set aside for us before the foundations of the world.
The circumstances, like Joseph's prison are God's sandpaper, smoothing off the rough places, restoring us to the way we were always meant to be.
I love the story of Joseph, probably because it makes my life feel somewhat normal. It gives me hope that God is about His business when things don't make
sense.
Be blessed,
Jewelz
Monday, January 28, 2008
A longing fulfilled
In Proverbs 13:12 it says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"
There were times in these last 5 years that I wondered if a longing would ever be fulfilled. I was too acquainted with hope deferred. I knew heartsickness. It seemed like one desire after another was awakened to be left unanswered. It hurt to awaken desire. Sometimes the disappointment was unbearable. In the midst of the struggles, my faith was tested like never before. Doubts that were hiding in my heart rose up to the surface. What did I really believe about God? What did I believe about how God felt towards me? Why did one longing after another go unfulfilled? Was it possible that a tree of life would ever emerge in my life? Was God holding out on me? I thought He wanted to give me the desires of my heart.
There were times I felt like I was fighting for my life, not in the physical, but in the spiritual. I came so close to giving up. Prayer after prayer left unanswered, or on hold, the ground was shaky. Would my faith hold strong? How do you continue to pray when it feels like you call God up, He has caller ID, He sees it's you and doesn't answer? How do you pick up the phone and call again? And what do you do with the verses that say things like "God delights in giving good gifts to His children"?
Why was I asking for these good, godly things that I my heart ached for to have Him say no? Did that mean I wasn't His daughter?
Somehow in the middle of the battles I found that mustard seed of faith to hang on and believe He was good, even when I could not see.
He came for me. He rescued me out. He spoke tenderly to me of His faithfulness. He asked me to wait, to trust Him, to find Him to be enough. It was about my heart. It was about Him.
Could I trust Him, even when longings were left unfulfilled? Could I still find Him good?
As I look back now, I am grateful that He waited. As hard as it was to be in that suspended place, as painful as the heartsickness was, I am glad He waited. I see so clearly now. Had He given those things I longed for at the time I had asked, it would have cost me, greatly. You see so much of my value was tied up into having those desires met. They weren't bad desires. They were good and godly. It wasn't the desires that were bad, but the motives behind seeking them. They would have become a crutch to me, giving me value, dependency, security and fulfillment.
He knew that. He couldn't give them to me. He loved me too much. He wanted me to take refuge in Him. He wanted to give me value. He wanted to weed out anything that I would depend on. He wanted me to be able to enjoy them, not need them. There is a difference.
I should not need anything but Him. He should be enough.
A much awaited longing was given to me today. It is so much richer, now. Because of the "not yet, I no longer need them to give me value. It is now, it can be a tree of life. So this is what that verse was talking about. How sweet is His love for me. Another sighting of God for my heart. How it must have hurt Him to watch me hurt, and doubt Him. All the while He was protecting me when I thought He had forgotten me. Oh, Papa, forgive me. I see now. It was love that made you wait. You never forgot me. You were protecting me. Thank you Papa, that you waited. Thank you for your great love.
Oh the riches of His great love
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Be blessed,
Jewelz
There were times in these last 5 years that I wondered if a longing would ever be fulfilled. I was too acquainted with hope deferred. I knew heartsickness. It seemed like one desire after another was awakened to be left unanswered. It hurt to awaken desire. Sometimes the disappointment was unbearable. In the midst of the struggles, my faith was tested like never before. Doubts that were hiding in my heart rose up to the surface. What did I really believe about God? What did I believe about how God felt towards me? Why did one longing after another go unfulfilled? Was it possible that a tree of life would ever emerge in my life? Was God holding out on me? I thought He wanted to give me the desires of my heart.
There were times I felt like I was fighting for my life, not in the physical, but in the spiritual. I came so close to giving up. Prayer after prayer left unanswered, or on hold, the ground was shaky. Would my faith hold strong? How do you continue to pray when it feels like you call God up, He has caller ID, He sees it's you and doesn't answer? How do you pick up the phone and call again? And what do you do with the verses that say things like "God delights in giving good gifts to His children"?
Why was I asking for these good, godly things that I my heart ached for to have Him say no? Did that mean I wasn't His daughter?
Somehow in the middle of the battles I found that mustard seed of faith to hang on and believe He was good, even when I could not see.
He came for me. He rescued me out. He spoke tenderly to me of His faithfulness. He asked me to wait, to trust Him, to find Him to be enough. It was about my heart. It was about Him.
Could I trust Him, even when longings were left unfulfilled? Could I still find Him good?
As I look back now, I am grateful that He waited. As hard as it was to be in that suspended place, as painful as the heartsickness was, I am glad He waited. I see so clearly now. Had He given those things I longed for at the time I had asked, it would have cost me, greatly. You see so much of my value was tied up into having those desires met. They weren't bad desires. They were good and godly. It wasn't the desires that were bad, but the motives behind seeking them. They would have become a crutch to me, giving me value, dependency, security and fulfillment.
He knew that. He couldn't give them to me. He loved me too much. He wanted me to take refuge in Him. He wanted to give me value. He wanted to weed out anything that I would depend on. He wanted me to be able to enjoy them, not need them. There is a difference.
I should not need anything but Him. He should be enough.
A much awaited longing was given to me today. It is so much richer, now. Because of the "not yet, I no longer need them to give me value. It is now, it can be a tree of life. So this is what that verse was talking about. How sweet is His love for me. Another sighting of God for my heart. How it must have hurt Him to watch me hurt, and doubt Him. All the while He was protecting me when I thought He had forgotten me. Oh, Papa, forgive me. I see now. It was love that made you wait. You never forgot me. You were protecting me. Thank you Papa, that you waited. Thank you for your great love.
Oh the riches of His great love
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Be blessed,
Jewelz
Friday, January 25, 2008
They say this is a MeMe
I have been included in a new game of tag entitled "MeMe". I was tagged by God's Work In Progress So, what follows will be totally random and useless information, though I hope it makes you smile . . . .
The rules for this meme are: (1) Link to the person that tagged you. (2) Post the rules on your blog. (3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
1. I hate seafood, all kinds. I have tried everything you can imagine from clams to shrimp to lobster to fish, cooked all different ways. I cannot tell you how many people have said to me that "if you just had it cooked like____________ you would love it." I don't love it, no matter how it is cooked, in fact I hate it.
2. I flew on my first airplane ride when I was 47 years ago (that was 3 years ago) to the Captivating retreat in Colorado. It wasn't that I refused to fly, it just never happened. I am not a big fan of flying....but I can now say I've done it.
3. I love mentoring younger women. It is what my heart beats for. It brings life to me. I am grateful for the things that God has taught me through my mistakes, trials, circumstances and heartache. I am so encouraged when I get to tell another.
I lived in a religious mindset for so many years that I am grateful that God has seen fit to break me free from the mold of religion. I have found a deep, intimate, passionate relationship with Him that has rocked my world. I am ruined for the ordinary.
4. I love the drums and have a djembe (gym-bay) drum that I have yet to learn to play. The girls in the Bible study group that I taught bought it for me. It is one of my desires to learn to play it, but I just don't have a clue where to start. I always wanted to be like Karen Carpenter and play the whole drum set. Maybe I'll be on the drums in heaven.
5. I like peanut butter and mayonaise sandwiches when I eat Chicken Noodle soup. I know it sounds quirky and my husband thinks it is gross, but you can't judge it until you try it. My mom taught me to eat them and I do love them. When not eating peanut butter my 2nd favorite thing on a peanut butter sandwich is potato chips. I know weird!
6. I love to dance. There is nothing more fun to me that getting out on the dance floor at a wedding with all the college kids and dancing the night away. Or better yet at the end of our women's retreat, pumping up the sound on the cd player and dancing with the women I have cried with, laughed with and played with. There's nothing like dancing with God to set your heart free.
Now I will tag some others:
Keep on Believing Bev is one of my new blogging friends. I am so grateful to find her.
The Morris Family Holly is a new friend and new blogger. I have been enjoying getting to know her.
2nd Cup of Coffee I just met Linda, but I think she is so funny and hip that I had to include her in the tag.
Karen's Ramblings I just met Karen a couple of days ago and she has been on a DTS with YWAM, like my daughter. She is one of the few people I have met who knows where Cuckfield, England is.
Girlfriends In God I just met Patty last week when I joined her "God Stop" Friday.
I know I was supposed to pick 6 people, but since I am new to blog world I am still getting to know people.
Blessings,
Jewelz
The rules for this meme are: (1) Link to the person that tagged you. (2) Post the rules on your blog. (3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
1. I hate seafood, all kinds. I have tried everything you can imagine from clams to shrimp to lobster to fish, cooked all different ways. I cannot tell you how many people have said to me that "if you just had it cooked like____________ you would love it." I don't love it, no matter how it is cooked, in fact I hate it.
2. I flew on my first airplane ride when I was 47 years ago (that was 3 years ago) to the Captivating retreat in Colorado. It wasn't that I refused to fly, it just never happened. I am not a big fan of flying....but I can now say I've done it.
3. I love mentoring younger women. It is what my heart beats for. It brings life to me. I am grateful for the things that God has taught me through my mistakes, trials, circumstances and heartache. I am so encouraged when I get to tell another.
I lived in a religious mindset for so many years that I am grateful that God has seen fit to break me free from the mold of religion. I have found a deep, intimate, passionate relationship with Him that has rocked my world. I am ruined for the ordinary.
4. I love the drums and have a djembe (gym-bay) drum that I have yet to learn to play. The girls in the Bible study group that I taught bought it for me. It is one of my desires to learn to play it, but I just don't have a clue where to start. I always wanted to be like Karen Carpenter and play the whole drum set. Maybe I'll be on the drums in heaven.
5. I like peanut butter and mayonaise sandwiches when I eat Chicken Noodle soup. I know it sounds quirky and my husband thinks it is gross, but you can't judge it until you try it. My mom taught me to eat them and I do love them. When not eating peanut butter my 2nd favorite thing on a peanut butter sandwich is potato chips. I know weird!
6. I love to dance. There is nothing more fun to me that getting out on the dance floor at a wedding with all the college kids and dancing the night away. Or better yet at the end of our women's retreat, pumping up the sound on the cd player and dancing with the women I have cried with, laughed with and played with. There's nothing like dancing with God to set your heart free.
Now I will tag some others:
Keep on Believing Bev is one of my new blogging friends. I am so grateful to find her.
The Morris Family Holly is a new friend and new blogger. I have been enjoying getting to know her.
2nd Cup of Coffee I just met Linda, but I think she is so funny and hip that I had to include her in the tag.
Karen's Ramblings I just met Karen a couple of days ago and she has been on a DTS with YWAM, like my daughter. She is one of the few people I have met who knows where Cuckfield, England is.
Girlfriends In God I just met Patty last week when I joined her "God Stop" Friday.
I know I was supposed to pick 6 people, but since I am new to blog world I am still getting to know people.
Blessings,
Jewelz
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The Ache of God
I am reading Lyric's blog, (Chrysallis Song), often and following along as she reads "The Beautiful Ache". The more I read her "blurbs", the more I think I'm going to have to buy that book. The concept is not new to me. I was first introduced to it with the teachings on Captivating by Stasi Eldredge back in 2003.
For many years of my life I didn't know I even had aches. I covered them up with busyness and service. I was a good "Martha". I knew how to work for God. In fact I would say I was the "Queen of Striving". For some unknown reason the message I got through "The Church" through the years was to work harder for God, to do all you can do." I remember the messages that said "If you love God you will put Him first by spending 30 minutes a day in the morning having a quiet time." For many years I lived that out...living in guilt if I missed a day, trying to rationalize with myself when it was an "evening" quiet time instead of the desired morning one. I was the busy, striving, performing Christian woman. I did not ache...there was no time for aching. I didn't even know they were there. But God knew.....
God's isolation is the opposite of our isolation. He pulls us away to be alone with us in order that He might reveal more of who He is. We, on the other hand, isolate to hide who we are. I was never one to isolate. I didn't like being alone with myself. I stayed caught up in serving, unaware of it's isolation. I was not isolated from people, but from from Me being alone with, Me. God called me away to the desert to speak tenderly to me. He knew that I was so far from being in touch with who I was and who He was, that He had to pull me away. He removed all friendships in various ways and it was just me with God. It's love that draws you into the desert, deep, intimate love. He allured me there to speak tenderly to me, to turn my door of Sorrow into a door of hope, to remove the title of Master and replace it with the title of Husband (Hosea 2:14-16)
Alone with my kids, my husband and God, unable to serve in any capacity, I began to come to terms with the lie I was living. I had spent so many years working, trying to earn God's favor when all along He just wanted, Me. I couldn't give Him me because I did not feel like I was enough for Him. I was the older brother in the Prodigal Son story, working out in the fields trying to earn entry into the Father's house, when all along the door was open wide, waiting for me to just walk in and be with the Him. In the desert, He showered His words on me and told me who He was and who I was to Him. Life turned a corner for me. I am not the same.
In the midst of the desert the aches began to rise up within me. For the first time that I can remember my heart was aching with longings and desires that almost took my breath away. Why did it have to hurt so much to awaken desire? What was I supposed to do with them now that they were awakened? As the aches came I began to identify with God's heart at a deeper level. Did He ache for me like I ached for intimate relationship with others? I ached to live in intimacy with friends. I longed for companions who knew my journey as I knew theirs. I still ache for that. Life seems to keep everyone running ragged, living life, doing all the "stuff" with no real time to go to deep places of the heart with others. Where is the time or energy for deep, heart relationships, you know where you really let people know your joys and struggles, where you are hurting.. It makes me ache. Does God ache for me like I ache for deep heart friendships?
Some days the aches are stronger than others. The loneliness I feel, as the longings unloosed in my heart are left unfulfilled, are days that I identify and connect a little deeper with the heartbeat of God inside. I realize just a bit more that this place is not my home and that life is not as He had longed for it to be for me. And in the midst of pain, loneliness, heartache, I am comforted. He knows, He sees, He understands. It's in the aches that I realize that those things I ache for, are the things He longs for too. The aches of God within are a powerful force to be reckoned with, not to run or hide from, No they are there to drive me into His arms where He waits to speak tenderly to me. Where He holds me close and tells me how His heart aches too.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. Hosea 2:14
Blessings,
Jewelz
For many years of my life I didn't know I even had aches. I covered them up with busyness and service. I was a good "Martha". I knew how to work for God. In fact I would say I was the "Queen of Striving". For some unknown reason the message I got through "The Church" through the years was to work harder for God, to do all you can do." I remember the messages that said "If you love God you will put Him first by spending 30 minutes a day in the morning having a quiet time." For many years I lived that out...living in guilt if I missed a day, trying to rationalize with myself when it was an "evening" quiet time instead of the desired morning one. I was the busy, striving, performing Christian woman. I did not ache...there was no time for aching. I didn't even know they were there. But God knew.....
God's isolation is the opposite of our isolation. He pulls us away to be alone with us in order that He might reveal more of who He is. We, on the other hand, isolate to hide who we are. I was never one to isolate. I didn't like being alone with myself. I stayed caught up in serving, unaware of it's isolation. I was not isolated from people, but from from Me being alone with, Me. God called me away to the desert to speak tenderly to me. He knew that I was so far from being in touch with who I was and who He was, that He had to pull me away. He removed all friendships in various ways and it was just me with God. It's love that draws you into the desert, deep, intimate love. He allured me there to speak tenderly to me, to turn my door of Sorrow into a door of hope, to remove the title of Master and replace it with the title of Husband (Hosea 2:14-16)
Alone with my kids, my husband and God, unable to serve in any capacity, I began to come to terms with the lie I was living. I had spent so many years working, trying to earn God's favor when all along He just wanted, Me. I couldn't give Him me because I did not feel like I was enough for Him. I was the older brother in the Prodigal Son story, working out in the fields trying to earn entry into the Father's house, when all along the door was open wide, waiting for me to just walk in and be with the Him. In the desert, He showered His words on me and told me who He was and who I was to Him. Life turned a corner for me. I am not the same.
In the midst of the desert the aches began to rise up within me. For the first time that I can remember my heart was aching with longings and desires that almost took my breath away. Why did it have to hurt so much to awaken desire? What was I supposed to do with them now that they were awakened? As the aches came I began to identify with God's heart at a deeper level. Did He ache for me like I ached for intimate relationship with others? I ached to live in intimacy with friends. I longed for companions who knew my journey as I knew theirs. I still ache for that. Life seems to keep everyone running ragged, living life, doing all the "stuff" with no real time to go to deep places of the heart with others. Where is the time or energy for deep, heart relationships, you know where you really let people know your joys and struggles, where you are hurting.. It makes me ache. Does God ache for me like I ache for deep heart friendships?
Some days the aches are stronger than others. The loneliness I feel, as the longings unloosed in my heart are left unfulfilled, are days that I identify and connect a little deeper with the heartbeat of God inside. I realize just a bit more that this place is not my home and that life is not as He had longed for it to be for me. And in the midst of pain, loneliness, heartache, I am comforted. He knows, He sees, He understands. It's in the aches that I realize that those things I ache for, are the things He longs for too. The aches of God within are a powerful force to be reckoned with, not to run or hide from, No they are there to drive me into His arms where He waits to speak tenderly to me. Where He holds me close and tells me how His heart aches too.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. Hosea 2:14
Blessings,
Jewelz
Monday, January 21, 2008
Can you see God's heart
Something I've discovered is that God often gives me glimpses into His heart through my own frustrations. Take for instance when a teenage daughter blames you for the anger in her heart. After all it's your fault that she feels the way she does. Somehow, somewhere you didn't do something....at least that's what she says. The words come flying out, "you don't care about me!" How could she think you don't care? You've spent years giving all you had to give for her, doesn't that count for something? The thing is in that moment of her life she is struggling to know that you care. Have you changed the way you feel about her? No, it's not you who has changed, it is what she is hearing and believing, something coming from inside her.
How often have I played that game with God? Circumstances come that bear down on us and I can hardly hold my head up. Where is God anyways? And how could He possibly care about me at that moment? The questions and doubts rise up and hit hard. Maybe He doesn't care about me. Maybe His absence in these circumstances is proof. Did God change? No, He is the same. He never changes. He has been there all of my life and before that even, caring for me.
Does He care? Is there some place that He has proven that He cares? Is there some word, some truth that I can call to mind? Does the cross mean anything? How many times does God have to prove to me that He cares? There is no greater sacrifice than Christ laying down His life for me. So, why do I accuse Him? Because I don't know inside myself that I am worth caring for. It's not about God. He is blameless. It's about ME.
Then it hits me, what I am doing with God is what my daughter does with me. It takes me to that place of never wanting to accuse Him again. If my heart is good towards my daughter ALWAYS, then there is not doubt that His heart is good towards me. It's not His heart that is in question. It is my beliefs...those lies buried underneath the surface that have been hidden, tucked away in a dark place.
Today one of my daughters came to me to talk to me of her own frustrations. She's made some bad decisions in her life that affected her. She's learned alot from them. Now younger girls are coming to her to talk and seek counsel. She warns them of the problems. After all she learned the hard way. She didn't listen to the warnings. They aren't listening. She's frustrated that they don't listen, yet she identifies that neither did she. We sat and talked awhile. God showed up. I told her that often during these times you can get a greater glimpse of God's heart. Could she get an idea of how God feels by what she is feeling? Does she see that He tries to warn people, but they don't listen? What does it do to His heart as He watches us make those choices that He knows will hurt us, ignoring the warnings? What are the treasures of God hidden in the dark places of this frustration?
She contemplates for a few minutes and then it hits her. God feels the same way she does. Her heart connects into that place of understanding and communion with God and the treasures begin to unfold for her.
Glimpses of God's heart in the midst of the darkness are riches stored in the secret places.
"I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:3
Blessings,
Jewelz
How often have I played that game with God? Circumstances come that bear down on us and I can hardly hold my head up. Where is God anyways? And how could He possibly care about me at that moment? The questions and doubts rise up and hit hard. Maybe He doesn't care about me. Maybe His absence in these circumstances is proof. Did God change? No, He is the same. He never changes. He has been there all of my life and before that even, caring for me.
Does He care? Is there some place that He has proven that He cares? Is there some word, some truth that I can call to mind? Does the cross mean anything? How many times does God have to prove to me that He cares? There is no greater sacrifice than Christ laying down His life for me. So, why do I accuse Him? Because I don't know inside myself that I am worth caring for. It's not about God. He is blameless. It's about ME.
Then it hits me, what I am doing with God is what my daughter does with me. It takes me to that place of never wanting to accuse Him again. If my heart is good towards my daughter ALWAYS, then there is not doubt that His heart is good towards me. It's not His heart that is in question. It is my beliefs...those lies buried underneath the surface that have been hidden, tucked away in a dark place.
Today one of my daughters came to me to talk to me of her own frustrations. She's made some bad decisions in her life that affected her. She's learned alot from them. Now younger girls are coming to her to talk and seek counsel. She warns them of the problems. After all she learned the hard way. She didn't listen to the warnings. They aren't listening. She's frustrated that they don't listen, yet she identifies that neither did she. We sat and talked awhile. God showed up. I told her that often during these times you can get a greater glimpse of God's heart. Could she get an idea of how God feels by what she is feeling? Does she see that He tries to warn people, but they don't listen? What does it do to His heart as He watches us make those choices that He knows will hurt us, ignoring the warnings? What are the treasures of God hidden in the dark places of this frustration?
She contemplates for a few minutes and then it hits her. God feels the same way she does. Her heart connects into that place of understanding and communion with God and the treasures begin to unfold for her.
Glimpses of God's heart in the midst of the darkness are riches stored in the secret places.
"I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:3
Blessings,
Jewelz
Saturday, January 19, 2008
GodStop
God stopped me short in my tracks as I watched my beautiful daughter go through security and out of my sight.
It was the fulfillment of prayers and dreams that her dad and I had had for years. She is my firstborn, four more
follow her. We have always taught our children to love missions. We've been a missions minded family. We always
knew that it was a possibility that our children would live overseas for a period of their lives. I grew up aware of
mission work. I remember when I was a little girl, my parents would have missionaries stay in our home. I can still
remember the words to "Jesus Loves Me" in an Asian language (I remember the song, but can't remember what language). I had such respect for those who would leave all the comforts of home and go out to tell others of His love. Now I am sending
one of my own.
From the time our Hannah was born we have prayed for her to follow God and to discover what He had called her into. It has
been our prayer that she know Him and love Him. In Proverbs it says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life". God fulfilled a longing and I can't wait to gaze upon that tree of life that emerges.
He heard my cry, He answered my prayers.
God stopped me on Thursday, my heart overflowing with tears of joy and sadness, and He touched ME.
"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news."
Blessings,
Jewelz
Thursday, January 17, 2008
She's Off
We ended up leaving town last night after a quick dinner. As the snow came down and started blanketing the roads we figured we'd better pack up and head south to make sure we could get Hannah to the airport on time. After all, the weathermen were saying the temperatures were only going to drop. So at 9:00 we headed south to stay in a hotel. Funny, the weathermen were right about the snow, wrong about the dropping temperatures. The streets here at home were clear by morning. Go figure. It was kinda fun to have that last adventure before she left. Being a large family it's not often that we have had the luxury of staying in hotels. Seeing as we have to book 2 rooms just to hold us. It was fun calling my mom on the cell phone, getting her to log onto Hotwire to find us a good hotel for cheap rates,then showing up, unloading, and gathering in a room together. We got to read one more chapter of "The Shack" as a family before Hannah left town. It was nice to just relax and enjoy the last few hours with her.
At 3:30 she went through security and we headed home. As the tears poured out of my eyes, I couldn't be more thankful. What a beautiful testimony of God to see the road that God had taken her on. I remember her senior year (2005) when she talked of going on a DTS. It was to be Australia. At that point in her life she was pretty distracted by a relationship she was in. Though David and I encouraged her to follow this call on her heart, she lost sight of it. We left it with God. Two years later, God brought her back around to it.
When she first started considering it again she wasn't sure how she would get there. She couldn't fathom being able to raise that much money. Living in Atlanta on an income that barely covered her bills, she knew she couldn't make it happen. So we began to pray. And God raised up people who wanted to send her..... It was amazing to watch as it all unfolded. It gave me a new picture of God's pursuit of our hearts and how He relentlessly goes after us until we hear His whispers, and then He takes us into those places that He had set aside for us to go. Not only does He take us in, but He raises up all that will be needed to cover us.
David and I couldn't be happier for Hannah. We KNOW in our hearts that this is where He has wanted her to go. We encouraged her in 2005 to go. God had to get her there. She had to fall down and let Him pick her back up. Even though you KNOW it is right and good, the emotions are still there.
As I write this the tears are pouring down my face. They are tears of rejoicing mixed with tears of letting go. For those of you who have not had children leave it will be hard to fully understand. One day you will know. For those who have let a child go far away enough to not be able to see them quickly, well, you know. Your head knows, your heart knows this is right and good, the way it was always meant to be... but your emotions, well they're another story.
I feel the loss of one that has been so close moving on so far away. The time has come for my "little chick" to fly. Though she has moved out twice and moved back twice, this is different. I can't just pick up the phone and call her. She won't be an hour's drive away. I won't see her (except through my webcam...Thank God for technology) for 5 months. In that 5 month period her heart will be changed, her life will be changed. She will find her life in ways that I have longed for her to find it. And I won't be there to watch..... You mothers understand, I know you do.
The tears have been flowing all afternoon. Thank God I was able to hold the "ugly cry" until after I got in the car. She saw the tears rolling down my face as I hugged her goodbye and told her how proud I was of her for following, God and for following her heart.
She's in the air as I write this....the tears are still flowing. Bitter/sweet tears as I learn to let go once again, trusting her into the hands of the One who loves her perfectly.
You love them, you nurture them, you teach them and then you let them go. It is as it should be. I'm glad the tears are flowing...it let's me know I'm alive! : )
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
Blessings,
Julie
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Letting Go With Grace
I remember when it came time to stop nursing my firstborn. It was the first opportunity I had to allow my child to not need me. Though I knew it was time, there were emotions that rose up, a type sadness crept in as I said goodbye to a precious season of comfort and intimacy. My daughter was no longer an infant. She had entered the stage of "toddlerhood". It's funny how it all works out. You know in your head that it is the right move for your children to let them go, but there's a tug of war that goes on in your heart.
Years progressed and there were more opportunities to let go. Leaving her with her grandparents for the first time overnight, spend the night times with friends, going in a car with someone other than her dad or I. All these moments were natural moments that were part of living and letting go.
When she was 12 years old she went on her first outreach. Three weeks away from home, though not out of the city, my daughter embarked on her first youth missions trip. They went into the inner city of Atlanta to tell the kids there about Jesus through performances and songs. It was another monumental time of allowing my daughter to stretch her wings a little in preparation for the day when she would move into who she was created to be. She thrived in this environment. I remember I wrote her a card for every day of those 3 weeks to open and read from me. I wanted my heart to go with her.
The teenage years brought on another type of letting go. This time it was behind a vehicle that could not only kill her, but another, if not handled properly. I will never forget that first day when she drove off by herself to work. I sat waiting for the phone call that said, "I'm here, and I'm safe." You know you never stop being concerned for your child's safety, you just learn to trust God with it all.
Not long after that, came graduation and entering into legal adulthood. No longer a child, I had to let her become an adult. In some ways this stage wasn't as hard as the other stages. She was ready. She needed to be set free to live in the responsibility and freedom. She needed to be her own person, following her own dreams.
Soon after becoming an adult she decided to move into an apartment with another co-worker. I didn't expect the emotions to be as strong as they were. After all she was only going to be 30 minutes away. I hugged her goodbye, got in the car and drove home with my husband after moving her things in. It was a helpless feeling that came over me. I realized at that point that I could no longer protect her. She was no longer under my care. She was on her own. Would she be OK? Would she be safe? Would she follow God? Had I taught her enough? Had I done enough to prepare her? Fears, questions, and doubts rose up within me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My little girl was all grown up. She was moving on to live her own life. I cried like a baby. I grieved the loss, it was part of the process of letting go.
Now 2 1/2 years later she will begin the largest adventure of her life. In 3 days she will fly across the ocean for a 5 month missions trip, a YWAM Discipleship Training School. She has always been within an hour from home. I have seen her almost every weekend for years. I will not see her for 5 months. I cannot call her at a moment's notice. What will it be like to have one who was carried close to my heart so far away? How will it be not to hear her voice throughout the day.
It is time to let her go. She is going after God. What more could a mother desire? I know it is good and right, but my heart aches. My baby is going to spread her wings and I won't be there to witness it.
All of her life has been leading up to this. I always knew this was a possibility. She had talked of missions work as a young child, wanting to be a veterinarian missionary, who cared for the people's animals while she told them about Jesus. Yes, she was a very creative child.....still is.
As we stood worshipping in church out of the corner of my eyes I saw her surrendering her life to be a beautiful display of God to others. With my hand upon her head and my heart praying her release, God came, for both of us. We held each other close, she wept, tears filled my eyes as I tried to retain some composure, for fear I would surely cry the "ugly cry" in a room full of people.
You know no one told me about this part. I mean I knew that you let go and everything. After all I don't live with my parents anymore. I left home... So I know it is a natural part of life. But I never knew it hurt like it does.... In just a blink of an eye, time has moved in warp speed and those little ones are leaving home to live their own lives. I didn't know when I had toddlers that life would move into warp speed.
The emotions are lying underneath the surface. I can feel them. I know they are waiting..... another time of grieving and rejoicing is on the horizon. Another opportunity of letting go.
May I let go with grace, Papa, like you do.
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." II Corinthians 9:8
Jewelz
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
When God Outruns You
A few years ago my husband was in the midst of a job transition. It was a time where we were learning to trust God in ways we had not been challenged in before. There were so many things coming at us during this time. I found myself wondering and questioning, "what if we miss God's voice." Could we miss Him? We were desperately seeking Him and His plan for our lives. Could we somehow not hear Him when He spoke? Could we end up going the wrong way because we didn't listen?
God decided to give me a picture to hold onto. It was a God sighting that has been seared into the depths of my mind.
My husband and I were sitting at the desk looking at something on the computer when my son came into the hallway and went out the door. My husband immediately called my son's name. He had something he wanted to tell him, but my son didn't hear him. He wasn't listening. David called him again. Again, no respone. This time he got up and walked to the door and called Josiah's name. Once again, Josiah didn't hear him. Finally, my husband walked out the door, and down the driveway after my son, calling his name UNTIL he heard. My son finally heard his dad's voice, and turned to listen. My husband told him what he had to tell him, and returned to his seat at the computer.
In a moment's time God began to speak to me. The conversation went something like this; "Julie, did you see that?" "Did you see how David called out to Josiah, repeatedly?" "Did you see how Josiah wasn't listening?" "Did you see how David did not give up?" "He pursued Josiah UNTIL he heard him?" "Yes, Papa, I saw." "That is how I am with you, Julie." "Don't worry about missing my voice." "I will come after you until you hear me." "Just like David wouldn't let Josiah go on until He told him what he needed to tell him, I won't let you." "Rest in knowing that I will not stop until you hear my voice." "Put that worry aside, dear one." "I will come after you."
I saw God that day in a way that changed me forever.
I hope you see Him too.
"He leads me in paths of righteousness for His own name's sake." Psalm 23:3
Blessings,
Jewelz
God decided to give me a picture to hold onto. It was a God sighting that has been seared into the depths of my mind.
My husband and I were sitting at the desk looking at something on the computer when my son came into the hallway and went out the door. My husband immediately called my son's name. He had something he wanted to tell him, but my son didn't hear him. He wasn't listening. David called him again. Again, no respone. This time he got up and walked to the door and called Josiah's name. Once again, Josiah didn't hear him. Finally, my husband walked out the door, and down the driveway after my son, calling his name UNTIL he heard. My son finally heard his dad's voice, and turned to listen. My husband told him what he had to tell him, and returned to his seat at the computer.
In a moment's time God began to speak to me. The conversation went something like this; "Julie, did you see that?" "Did you see how David called out to Josiah, repeatedly?" "Did you see how Josiah wasn't listening?" "Did you see how David did not give up?" "He pursued Josiah UNTIL he heard him?" "Yes, Papa, I saw." "That is how I am with you, Julie." "Don't worry about missing my voice." "I will come after you until you hear me." "Just like David wouldn't let Josiah go on until He told him what he needed to tell him, I won't let you." "Rest in knowing that I will not stop until you hear my voice." "Put that worry aside, dear one." "I will come after you."
I saw God that day in a way that changed me forever.
I hope you see Him too.
"He leads me in paths of righteousness for His own name's sake." Psalm 23:3
Blessings,
Jewelz
Sunday, January 6, 2008
I saw God today
I saw the most endearing thing in church today. There is a sweet young couple that sits in the same place each Sunday. They are fairly new to the church. The husband had found us online and had been following the church for some time. He finally decided they should attend so they started coming. They are both rather quiet, though I believe she is more quiet than he is. They have a little girl about 3 or 4 years old. She's a beautiful petite woman. She came to our women's Christmas dinner and you could tell that it was a bit much for her. Yet she faced her fear and came amongst women she barely knew. My heart was drawn to her and the quiet, gentle spirit within.
Today they sat right in front of us, two rows up. As we stood in worship the husband was holding his daughter in his arms. We were singing a song about wanting "with all our hearts to worship God", Out of the corner of my eye I saw this beautiful woman, weeping. Overcome with emotion, she turned to her husband and buried her head in his side. She began to melt in the safety of his arms as they encircled about her, holding her close while she wept. All three of them clung together, just holding each other. It was a picture of the Trinity, three huddled together in intimate relationship. As the music played on, the husband grasped her hand and they knelt together at their seats and he prayed. It was so touching that that tears began to well up in my eyes as well. How sweet, how tender. What a beautiful, intimate display of love.
And then it hit me. It was a picture. As I watched the compassion, tenderness and protection of this man with his wife, I realized that that is Christ with me.
Today a picture was seared in my heart and mind. Christ as my husband is endeared to me with a heart of compassion, tenderness and protection. As I come to Him and melt in His arms, He gathers me up, clinging to me as I cling to Him. As we kneel there together, He carries me up to the Father with words that lift me up in intercession before the throne of the one who loves me forever.
A woman's response in worship was a God sighting for me today.
Beauty unveiled in the heart of a woman brought life to my heart.
May it bring beauty to your life today.
"A cord of three strands is not easily broken" Ecclesiastes 4:12b
Jewelz
Today they sat right in front of us, two rows up. As we stood in worship the husband was holding his daughter in his arms. We were singing a song about wanting "with all our hearts to worship God", Out of the corner of my eye I saw this beautiful woman, weeping. Overcome with emotion, she turned to her husband and buried her head in his side. She began to melt in the safety of his arms as they encircled about her, holding her close while she wept. All three of them clung together, just holding each other. It was a picture of the Trinity, three huddled together in intimate relationship. As the music played on, the husband grasped her hand and they knelt together at their seats and he prayed. It was so touching that that tears began to well up in my eyes as well. How sweet, how tender. What a beautiful, intimate display of love.
And then it hit me. It was a picture. As I watched the compassion, tenderness and protection of this man with his wife, I realized that that is Christ with me.
Today a picture was seared in my heart and mind. Christ as my husband is endeared to me with a heart of compassion, tenderness and protection. As I come to Him and melt in His arms, He gathers me up, clinging to me as I cling to Him. As we kneel there together, He carries me up to the Father with words that lift me up in intercession before the throne of the one who loves me forever.
A woman's response in worship was a God sighting for me today.
Beauty unveiled in the heart of a woman brought life to my heart.
May it bring beauty to your life today.
"A cord of three strands is not easily broken" Ecclesiastes 4:12b
Jewelz
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A Wrong Turn
You know what I love about God? I love that you cannot fail with Him. He doesn't see the things we do as failures. There are NO failures with God, only mistakes. And mistakes can always be made right. Mistakes are those things in our lives that are supposed to be our teachers. They don't determine who we are or what we are made of. They are the things that enlighten us as to what's right, wrong, good, and bad. When you make a wrong turn in this road of life, it is only a wrong turn when you don't go back and make the right turn.
Christmas night we were on our way home and my husband took a wrong turn. It wasn't intentional, he just read the sign wrong. Fifteen minutes down the road we began to notice things we had never seen before and realized we were headed in the wrong direction. Had we continued we would not have ended up anywhere near home. It was the wrong way. It would not lead us to where we wanted to go. So, we turned around and headed back the right way. It was no big deal really, it just cost us a few minutes.
That's how it is with God. When we make the wrong turns in our lives, it's an opportunity to realize that unless we turn around we won't end up where we want to go. The detour may have cost us something, we may lose some time, but it's not a irreparable loss. Unless we don't turn back, Ever. I don't think God sits around focused on the wrong turn we make. I think He's just happy to see us back on the path that leads to life. It's not God that condemns us, punishes us or chastises us
for the wrong turn. It is another voice. The voice of the enemy, the voice of ourselves. God covers everything with His grace....even the wrong turns in life.
What is it you tell yourself when you make a mistake? What you tell yourself is what you will believe. Often when I make mistakes I will find myself saying "you are so stupid". Am I really stupid? No, of course not, I just made a wrong judgment. I'm learning to catch myself and tell myself the truth. I am learning to cover myself with grace.
Joel: 2:13 "Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."
I love that about God!
Jewelz
Christmas night we were on our way home and my husband took a wrong turn. It wasn't intentional, he just read the sign wrong. Fifteen minutes down the road we began to notice things we had never seen before and realized we were headed in the wrong direction. Had we continued we would not have ended up anywhere near home. It was the wrong way. It would not lead us to where we wanted to go. So, we turned around and headed back the right way. It was no big deal really, it just cost us a few minutes.
That's how it is with God. When we make the wrong turns in our lives, it's an opportunity to realize that unless we turn around we won't end up where we want to go. The detour may have cost us something, we may lose some time, but it's not a irreparable loss. Unless we don't turn back, Ever. I don't think God sits around focused on the wrong turn we make. I think He's just happy to see us back on the path that leads to life. It's not God that condemns us, punishes us or chastises us
for the wrong turn. It is another voice. The voice of the enemy, the voice of ourselves. God covers everything with His grace....even the wrong turns in life.
What is it you tell yourself when you make a mistake? What you tell yourself is what you will believe. Often when I make mistakes I will find myself saying "you are so stupid". Am I really stupid? No, of course not, I just made a wrong judgment. I'm learning to catch myself and tell myself the truth. I am learning to cover myself with grace.
Joel: 2:13 "Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."
I love that about God!
Jewelz
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
The Old is Gone, The New Has Come
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come. II Corinthians 5:17.
Out with the old, and in with the new. The year has passed, a new year is upon us.
One of my favorite quotes I heard on a tape I was listening to is; "there are no longer good days and bad days, all are days of grace." "Some days you are given the grace to endure and some days you are given the grace to enjoy."
Last year was a year where more days than not I was given the grace to endure. I am glad to see a new dawn of a new year.
Seven is the number of completion, Eight is the number of new beginnings. Here at the beginning of a new year I am thankful for what has been completed in me. This year I have learned that if I do not love myself I will never be able to love others. It is what I believe and tell myself that I will live. God's love can and does flow into me, but it will never flow out of me totally until I learn to love myself as He loves me. I am anticipating a new beginning for the year ahead.
The old has gone, 2007, the new has come, 2008. May this be the year when I truly begin to grasp that the old me was crucified and now the new me, Christ in me, has come. May it be a year when the reality that Christ exchanged His life for mine is understood more fully and lived more deeply. I no longer have to live, He will live through me. The old lies, messages and beliefs of who I was are removed.. Now may the new truth of who God has created me, who I truly am, be revealed, fully.
2008, the year of new beginnings. May it be so, may it be so.
Jewelz
Out with the old, and in with the new. The year has passed, a new year is upon us.
One of my favorite quotes I heard on a tape I was listening to is; "there are no longer good days and bad days, all are days of grace." "Some days you are given the grace to endure and some days you are given the grace to enjoy."
Last year was a year where more days than not I was given the grace to endure. I am glad to see a new dawn of a new year.
Seven is the number of completion, Eight is the number of new beginnings. Here at the beginning of a new year I am thankful for what has been completed in me. This year I have learned that if I do not love myself I will never be able to love others. It is what I believe and tell myself that I will live. God's love can and does flow into me, but it will never flow out of me totally until I learn to love myself as He loves me. I am anticipating a new beginning for the year ahead.
The old has gone, 2007, the new has come, 2008. May this be the year when I truly begin to grasp that the old me was crucified and now the new me, Christ in me, has come. May it be a year when the reality that Christ exchanged His life for mine is understood more fully and lived more deeply. I no longer have to live, He will live through me. The old lies, messages and beliefs of who I was are removed.. Now may the new truth of who God has created me, who I truly am, be revealed, fully.
2008, the year of new beginnings. May it be so, may it be so.
Jewelz
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